Trauma and Alcohol Use: Have you used alcohol to numb the pain?

For many people, alcohol use isn’t just a Friday night release, it’s a way to escape. To numb. To create distance from overwhelming emotions, physical sensations and memories. Beneath the surface of drinking, there’s often a complex world of pain, shame, emptiness, and unresolved trauma that feels too heavy to carry alone.

As Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned expert on trauma and addiction, explains, “The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain?” This question reframes alcohol use as a coping mechanism for pain—a way of surviving emotional wounds that feel impossible to face head-on, a way to block out uncomfortable feelings and a way to feel less empty and ashamed.

In this post I’ll be thinking about how trauma fuels the need to escape, how alcohol offers temporary relief but deepens the hurt, increases anxiety and compounds the pain, and how compassionate steps can help you begin healing without needing to numb.

People consider dangerous alcohol use to be drinking alone, drinking in the morning or drinking daily, but the weekend binges can also be problematic if they are harming your health and your mental wellbeing. You deserve a life free of anxiety and pain and if you are questioning your relationship with alcohol, it may be time to take a look at your pain and understand yourself better.

How trauma could look: Recognising Different Forms of Pain

Trauma isn’t always about one big, catastrophic event. It can be subtle, cumulative, and deeply personal. Trauma can arise from experiences that made you feel unsafe, unseen, or unable to be yourself. Over time, these experiences leave an impact on how we see ourselves, others, and the world around us.

Some common forms of trauma include:

• Neglect: Growing up without emotional support, warmth, or attention can create a lasting feeling of emptiness. If you learned early on that your needs didn’t matter, you might carry a sense of worthlessness or invisibility into adulthood.

• Narcissistic Parenting: When a parent’s needs, opinions, or emotions took priority, you may have felt like you had to suppress your own. This can create a deep feeling of “not being enough” or a tendency to people-please, as you adapted to meet others’ needs to feel accepted or safe.

• Not Being Able to Be Yourself: If you grew up feeling like you had to hide parts of who you are to feel safe or loved, it can lead to a sense of disconnection. When people are unable to be themselves, it creates a lasting feeling of emptiness and a disconnect from their true identity.

• Abuse of any kind

         Any kind of abuse perpetrated towards     a child or adult can leave lasting emotional pain.

• Abandonment and rejection

        Abandonment trauma can have a significant impact on how we view ourselves and others.

As Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains in The Body Keeps the Score, “Trauma is not just an event that took place in the past; it’s also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body.” Trauma leaves lasting marks that can shape how we feel, how we cope, and how we live. For some, alcohol becomes a way to manage these invisible wounds, to fill the emptiness, and to numb the unresolved pain.

Why Trauma and Alcohol Often Go Hand in Hand

When people have unresolved trauma, alcohol can feel like a “quick fix.” It soothes mental pain, silences self-doubt, and brings a temporary sense of relief. But this escape is fleeting and often comes with consequences that deepen feelings of shame, isolation, and despair. Alcohol can be numbing and can help us create a false self and identity, the consequences of this are that we feel the need to hide our true self and alcohol can help us hide.

Trauma affects us in many ways:

1. Mental Pain and Self-Criticism
   Trauma can create deep-seated self-doubt and self-criticism. You may carry thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t deserve peace.” Alcohol may feel like a way to quiet these voices temporarily, but it ultimately leaves them unresolved.

2. Physical Discomfort and Tension
   Trauma doesn’t just live in the mind; it resides in the body as well. Many people carry trauma through chronic muscle tension, digestive issues, or even physical pain. This physical discomfort can feel relentless, and alcohol may temporarily ease it. But masking the pain often compounds the issue in the long run, making it harder to address the root cause.

3. A Sense of Emptiness and Disconnection
   Trauma can leave a profound feeling of emptiness—a sense that something is missing or broken within. This emptiness is painful, and alcohol might feel like a way to fill the void, even if only briefly. However, in reality, it often deepens the disconnection, leaving you feeling even more isolated and hollow. People often struggle to link this emptiness with trauma and feel that something is “missing”.

As Rabbi Shais Taub notes in God of Our Understanding, “Addiction is not a search for a drug, but a search for wholeness.” Trauma survivors may drink not just to escape the pain, but to fill a void, to feel complete. Alcohol becomes a temporary solution to a deeper longing for connection and peace that is hard to find.

Skills to Help with Pain and Emptiness in the Mind and Body

Breaking free from using alcohol to cope with trauma and emptiness is challenging, but it’s not impossible. Here are a few gentle, compassionate tools to help you manage the pain without numbing yourself. Healing from trauma doesn’t happen overnight, but small, consistent steps can bring relief and reconnection.

1. Mindful Breathing to Calm the Body

Trauma can put your body in a constant state of alert, making it difficult to relax. Mindful breathing is a powerful way to signal safety to your nervous system.

• Box Breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, and pause for 4. Repeat until you feel your body start to soften and relax. This technique can help ease physical tension and ground you in the present.

2. Compassionate Self-Talk to Soothe Mental Pain

Trauma often leaves a harsh inner critic and painful intrusive thoughts. Practicing self-compassion can soften this voice over time.

• Self-Compassion Statement: When negative thoughts arise, try saying, “I am doing my best, and I deserve kindness.” Practicing this regularly can help you build a more forgiving inner voice, counteracting the harsh self-criticism trauma often leaves behind.

3. Naming and Validating Emotions to Address Emptiness

The sense of emptiness can often hide deeper emotions, like sadness, grief, or anger, which need to be acknowledged.

• Emotion Naming Exercise: Sit quietly and name what you’re truly feeling, even if it’s painful. For example, “I feel abandoned,” “I feel unseen,” or “I feel unworthy.” Remind yourself that these feelings are valid and that facing them can gradually help fill the emptiness.

4. Reaching Out for Connection and Support

Trauma can make you feel isolated, but connecting with others—even in small ways—can start to fill that void. Alcohol might numb loneliness, but real connection can heal it.

• Practice Reaching Out: Try connecting with someone you trust, whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist. Even a short, supportive conversation can help you feel less alone and begin to soften the emptiness.

• Seek therapy: Therapy can help you understand your trauma and what has contributed to your pain, as well as what you do to feel more content.

• Listen to podcasts and read literature: it can be healing to know that others have had similar experiences, listen to podcasts* where others have struggled with alcohol use and trauma.

5. Creating Meaning in Your Day

Filling emptiness often starts with finding small, meaningful actions. If trauma has left you feeling like nothing matters, creating a sense of purpose—even in small, everyday moments—can be grounding.

• Create a “Meaning List”: Each day, write down one thing that gives you a sense of meaning or joy, no matter how small. It could be reading a book, spending time with a pet, or being out in nature. Building meaning over time can help gradually fill the emptiness in a more lasting way.

A Compassionate Path Forward

If you’re struggling with alcohol use and trauma, know that you’re not alone. Trauma can make us feel empty, disconnected, and burdened by pain. But healing is possible, and there are ways to find relief and build a life that feels fuller and more connected, with a good understanding of your true self and your trauma responses.

Remember, healing from trauma isn’t about “fixing” yourself; it’s about reconnecting with who you truly are and treating yourself with the compassion you deserve. Each small step you take—whether it’s breathing deeply, speaking kindly to yourself, or reaching out for help—is a step toward healing. You’re not just surviving; you’re building a new path forward.

If this resonates with you, consider speaking to someone who can support your journey. Recovery is a process, and every small act of compassion and self-care brings you closer to the peace and wholeness you deserve.