Is it Trauma?

Are the behaviours or patterns that you struggle with related to trauma? How have your experiences impacted the way you show up in the world?.

Is It Trauma?

What I’ve noticed in my 20 plus years working with emotional health, is that people attend therapy or an intervention wanting help with something that is showing up in their lives. This might be anger, low mood, low self worth or a feeling of being “broken” in some way. Let’s take anger as the example, they show up for help as they feel they can’t control their anger, its causing problems in their relationship, they might have lost a job, they are worried it’s going to ruin their life if they don’t get it sorted. They have usually tried “anger management” classes and techniques but still find it’s causing a problem. They don’t feel that anything that has happened in their lives has contributed to this feeling, but when we start to explore together in therapy, we find that the anger is a symptom or a coping strategy and can be led back to trauma.

So what do we mean by trauma?

Simply put, trauma is anything that overwhelms your ability to cope. It doesn’t have to be something big like an accident or abuse (although it often is); it can be more subtle, like ongoing neglect or emotional mistreatment. Dr. Peter Levine, a big name in trauma therapy, puts it well: “Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.”. Trauma can be a disconnect from our caregivers or the feeling that we can never show up as our true selves. Narcissistic parenting or abuse from a partner can also be considered trauma. Those who have experienced trauma can also find themselves gaslighting themselves “oh well it wasn’t that bad” is something I have heard so often, and work can be done to validate those experiences.

How Trauma Shows Up

Trauma can be those little (or not so little) things that chip away at you over time. Let’s talk about a few ways trauma can manifest:

Low Mood

Ever felt like you're dragging yourself through the day with a grey cloud hanging over your head? Trauma can do that. It can sap your joy and make everything feel like a chore. You might not even realize it’s trauma-related, just a vague sense of heaviness and low mood that you can’t shake.

People Pleasing

Trauma often teaches us that our needs don’t matter. So, we start bending over backwards to keep everyone else happy, hoping they'll stick around or at least not hurt us. This people-pleasing can leave you feeling exhausted and resentful, but breaking the cycle feels impossible.

Chronic Stress

Do you feel like you're always on edge, waiting for the next disaster to strike? That’s your nervous system in overdrive, a common response to trauma. It keeps you in a constant state of “fight or flight,” even when there’s no real danger.

Losing Your Sense of Self

Trauma can make you feel like you've lost touch with who you are. When you’re constantly trying to please others or just survive, your own needs and desires can get buried. This loss of self can lead to a deep sense of emptiness and confusion about your identity.

Anger

Trauma can leave you angry at the world and yourself.

There are so many ways that trauma can show up it’s impossible to list them all here, but anything that makes life difficult to manage could be linked to traumatic experiences, of course it may not be related, but therapy may be the best place to find out.

Coping Mechanisms

To ease the pain of trauma, you might turn to coping mechanisms that provide temporary relief but don’t address the root cause. This can include anything from overworking and perfectionism to substance abuse or emotional eating. These behaviors might help you get through the day, but they often lead to more problems in the long run.

How Therapy Can Help

So, what can we do about it? This is where therapy comes in. As a psychodynamic therapist, I work with clients to uncover the unconscious roots of their issues. We dig deep into past experiences to understand how they're impacting your present. It helps you gain control by developing insight and compassion for yourself.

Therapy provides a safe space to explore these feelings and experiences. By understanding the origins of your trauma, you can start to dismantle those unhelpful patterns. It’s about learning to be kind to yourself and recognizing that you deserve the same care and consideration you give to others.

5 Self-Care Tips You Can Implement Now

While therapy is a fantastic long-term solution, there are some self-care tips you can start implementing right now to help manage the effects of trauma:

1. Set Boundaries

Learn to say no (I make it sound so easy!). It’s okay to put your needs first. Setting boundaries is crucial to avoid burnout and resentment. Start small—maybe decline that extra task at work or take a break from social obligations that drain you.

2. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment. Try simple breathing exercises or mindfulness meditation to calm your nervous system. Apps like Headspace or Calm are great starting points.

3. Engage in Physical Activity

Exercise is a powerful way to relieve stress and boost your mood. Whether it’s a brisk walk along the beach in Hastings, a yoga session, or a dance class, find something that gets you moving and feels good.

4. Connect with Loved Ones

Don’t isolate yourself. Reach out to friends or family members who make you feel safe and valued. A good chat over a cup of tea can do wonders for your mental health.

5. Journal Your Thoughts

Writing can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions. Start a journal where you can freely express what you're feeling without judgment. It can help you gain clarity and perspective on your experiences.

Final Thoughts

Trauma doesn’t have to define your life. With the right support and self-care, you can learn to navigate its effects and lead a more fulfilling, joyful life. If you’re in Hastings  or Brighton and feel like you might need some extra help, don’t hesitate to reach out. Remember, acknowledging that you need support is the first, brave step towards healing.

Thanks for reading, and take care of yourselves!